Growing up, I cannot remember an occasion when my parents celebrated me because I had done well in school. They never placed sentimental value to school grades and never allowed them to determine our relationship.
Fast forward to today, parenting has changed. Parents now bribe and blackmail their kids to do well in school.
On the contrary, children need unconditional love and support from their parents, regardless of academic performance. It is crucial to remember that a child’s value goes beyond grades, and their unique talents, abilities and character should also be nurtured. Parental love and encouragement can help them grow into confident, well-rounded individuals, no matter what challenges they may face in school.
In today’s highly competitive world, there is increasing pressure on children to perform well in school. Academic success has often been viewed as a ticket to a better future, and understandably, parents want the best for their children. However, this focus on grades can sometimes overshadow the most important thing; the emotional and mental well-being of the child.
It is vital to remember that children are more than their report cards and test scores, and parental love should never be conditional on school performance.
It is common for parents to get caught up in the academic race, seeing grades as the ultimate indicator of their child’s potential. This can lead to a pattern where the child is rewarded only for academic success and is made to feel inadequate when they do not meet certain standards. Over time, this can result in children associating their self-worth solely with academic achievement. It may also foster anxiety, fear of failure, and feelings of inadequacy in children who feel they are constantly falling short of their parents’ expectations.
Children who grow up with the perception that love is conditional on grades may strive for perfection to gain approval, often sacrificing their emotional health in the process. This pressure can manifest in stress, burnout, and even mental health issues like depression or anxiety. While parents may have good intentions in pushing for academic success, too much emphasis on grades can have the opposite effect, undermining the child’s confidence and self-esteem.
Parental love and acceptance should never depend on academic performance. A child should know they are loved and valued regardless of the grades they bring home or what a teacher says about them. When children feel secure in their parents’ love, it fosters an environment of trust and support where they can develop resilience and a positive self-image. In this nurturing atmosphere, children feel empowered to explore their interests, take risks, and even make mistakes, knowing that they are accepted and cherished for who they are, not what they achieve.
Unconditional love helps build a child’s emotional intelligence, which is a more significant predictor of long-term success than academic ability alone. Research has shown that children who receive unconditional love from their parents tend to develop better coping mechanisms, stronger relationships, and a healthier outlook on life. They are more likely to bounce back from setbacks and view failure as a learning experience rather than a defeat.
Every child is unique, with their own set of strengths, weaknesses, talents and passions. Some children may excel in academics while others might shine in sports, music, or art. It is essential that parents recognize and celebrate these differences. Instead of focusing solely on grades, parents should encourage their children to pursue activities that bring them joy and allow them to express their creativity and individuality.
Focusing on a child’s holistic development helps them cultivate a sense of purpose and satisfaction in life. Children who are supported in exploring a range of interests tend to grow into well-rounded individuals, better equipped to navigate the complexities of life. They learn that success is not a narrow path defined by school grades but a broad journey where their skills, character, and personal growth matter more.
Children who feel emotionally supported by their parents are more likely to approach learning with a positive attitude. When a child knows that their worth isn’t tied to academic performance, they are more willing to take on challenges, ask for help when needed, and engage in the learning process without the fear of failure. This emotional safety allows children to develop a growth mindset – the belief that their abilities can improve with effort and perseverance.
A growth mindset encourages children to embrace challenges and view obstacles as opportunities to grow. They learn to focus on the process of learning rather than the outcome, which is a valuable skill that will benefit them throughout their lives, both inside and outside the classroom.
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Parents play a crucial role in shaping their children’s beliefs about themselves. The words spoken to a child can either lift them up or tear them down. Instead of focusing on grades, parents should focus on praising their child’s effort, resilience, and progress. Complimenting a child’s curiosity, creativity, and perseverance reinforces the idea that learning is a journey and that their value is not determined by external achievements.
Here are a few things parents can do to foster unconditional love and support:
Celebrate effort, not just results. Acknowledge the hard work and dedication your child puts into their studies, regardless of the final grade.
Encourage open communication with your children. Let your child know they can talk to you about their struggles without fear of judgment. Be a listening ear and offer guidance when needed.
Provide emotional support during failures. When your child fails or underperforms, use it as a teaching moment. Remind them that failure is a part of life and a stepping stone toward success.
Spend quality time together building a strong, loving relationship outside of academics strengthens your bond with your child and reassures them that they are loved for who they are and not because of academic grades.
In a world that often measures success through academic achievements, it is essential to remember that children are far more than their grades. They need love, support, and encouragement from their parents to thrive in all aspects of life. By offering unconditional love and focusing on their holistic development, parents can help their children grow into confident, happy, and resilient individuals capable of facing whatever life throws their way. Your child is more important than their school grades – let them know that every day.
By Kamomonti wa Kiambati
The writer teaches English and Literature in Gatundu North sub-county.
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