Raising highly successful children is a dream for many parents, but it comes with its own set of challenges and lessons. In a recent study by parenting expert Margot Machol Bisnow, interviews with 70 parents of highly successful adults revealed four key things they wish they had known earlier in their parenting journey. These reflections provide valuable insights into the balance between nurturing success and allowing children to grow as independent, resilient individuals.
Overemphasis on grades and achievements
One of the most common regrets expressed by these parents was the emphasis they placed on academic achievements, often at the expense of their children’s emotional well-being. Many parents believed that pushing their children to excel academically was the only way to ensure their success in the future. They encouraged their children to strive for top grades, high test scores, and an impressive list of extracurricular activities. However, in hindsight, they realized that this approach led to unnecessary pressure and stress.
Parents noted that by prioritizing academic success above all else, they inadvertently taught their children that their self-worth was tied to their achievements. Some of the now-successful adults reflected on how they felt a sense of emptiness despite their external success, because they were never allowed to pursue their true passions. The parents now wish they had encouraged their children to explore their interests, hobbies, and talents—even if those pursuits didn’t directly align with academic goals or conventional definitions of success.
By allowing children to pursue what they love, parents help cultivate creativity, motivation, and self-fulfillment. It’s not just about grades and trophies but about helping children find joy and purpose in life, which ultimately leads to a more well-rounded and sustained version of success.
Excessive involvement and helicopter parenting
Another significant regret for many parents was their excessive involvement in their children’s lives, often referred to as “helicopter parenting.” These parents thought that by solving their children’s problems and protecting them from failure, they were setting them up for success. They intervened in social conflicts, academic challenges, and even in making decisions for their children—believing that this guidance was necessary to prevent their children from making mistakes.
READ ALSO:
In retrospect, these parents realized that they were doing more harm than good. By constantly intervening, they deprived their children of the opportunity to develop critical life skills, such as problem-solving, decision-making, and resilience. Many successful adults later felt unprepared for real-world challenges because they had not been given the chance to navigate difficulties on their own while growing up.
Parents now wish they had allowed their children more autonomy and trusted them to make their own decisions, even if that meant they would fail sometimes. They recognized that learning from mistakes is a crucial part of development. By stepping back and allowing their children to handle their problems independently, they would have empowered them to become more self-sufficient, confident, and capable of facing life’s inevitable challenges.
Lack of responsibility assignments
A third major regret from parents was that they did not assign enough responsibilities, such as household chores or tasks, to their children. In their quest to give their children the best opportunities, these parents often shielded them from mundane tasks, thinking that allowing them to focus solely on their studies or hobbies was more beneficial. However, they came to realize that by not giving their children responsibilities, they missed out on teaching them valuable life skills and work ethic.
Many parents now understand that household chores teach children accountability, time management, and the importance of contributing to the family unit. These seemingly small tasks prepare children for adulthood, where they need to balance multiple responsibilities and manage their own lives. Successful adults often look back and acknowledge that while their achievements were supported by their parents, they lacked basic life skills, such as cooking, cleaning, or budgeting, when they entered the real world.
Giving children responsibilities at home also fosters a sense of ownership and pride in their contributions. It teaches them that success is not just about individual accomplishments, but also about being a reliable and responsible member of a team or community.
Discouraging risk-taking and failure
Lastly, many parents expressed regret for discouraging their children from taking risks or stepping outside of their comfort zones. In an effort to protect their children from failure, they often pushed them toward safer, more conventional career paths or choices that seemed guaranteed to lead to stability. However, they now realize that this approach may have stifled their children’s entrepreneurial spirit, creativity, and ability to innovate.
Successful adults often attribute part of their achievements to the risks they took and the lessons they learned from failure. Many parents admitted that they underestimated the importance of encouraging their children to embrace challenges, take calculated risks, and even fail. Failure, they realized, is not something to be feared but a necessary part of growth and learning.
By promoting a fear of failure, parents inadvertently taught their children to avoid situations that required innovation, experimentation, or stepping into the unknown. Instead, parents now believe that they should have encouraged their children to take more risks, explore unconventional paths, and understand that setbacks are part of the journey toward success.
The reflections from these 70 parents offer important lessons for anyone raising or working with children. While academic success and achievements are important, they are not the only indicators of future success. Encouraging children to pursue their passions, giving them independence and responsibilities, and allowing them to take risks are equally important in shaping well-rounded, resilient, and ultimately successful adults.
In the end, these parents learned that success is not about shielding children from failure or pushing them toward conventional paths. Instead, it’s about nurturing their individuality, fostering their independence, and teaching them to embrace challenges with confidence and curiosity.
By Kamomonti wa Kiambati*
Kamomonti teaches English and Literature in Gatundu North Sub County.
You can also follow our social media pages on Twitter: Education News KE and Facebook: Education News Newspaper for timely updates.
>>> Click here to stay up-to-date with trending regional stories
>>> Click here to read more informed opinions on the country’s education landscape
