Dealing With Catastrophes in Marriage and the Family

Doris Foxworth Odito

I am convinced that Love, and especially marriage and family are the most beautiful gifts that God has given us. Many marriages and families can become stronger when facing imminent crisis together.

It can be a time of personal growth and family cohesiveness, as well as becoming stronger as a result of adversity. On the other hand, we cannot afford to underestimate the darker side and the effects of coping with catastrophe and stress in the marriage and family.

We all will deal with some sort of catastrophic events in our families during our lifetime. Unfortunately, catastrophes are sudden, unexpected and frightening experiences for everyone. Although most families cope with catastrophes in a similar pattern, it can still cause the shattering of a marriage and family because of not being able to cope with the catastrophe successfully.

We have to understand the difference between a catastrophe and a crisis. A catastrophe is an event causing great and usually sudden damage, or suffering, and environmental disaster. Catastrophes are always sudden, abrupt and unexpected. A crisis on the other hand, is a time of intense difficulty or danger. It is marked by a time when a difficult or important decision must be made.

When a catastrophe strikes, all family members must activate their inner strengths, pull together to cope and confront the crisis, and try to draw upon outside resources and networks, including relatives for support. It’s always good to be on good terms, especially with our relatives in good times and not so good times. It remains that “NO MAN IS AN ISLAND”.

At this stressful time, marriages and some families seem to fall apart when a catastrophe strikes, it’s almost like a “miniature” atomic explosion has been ignited. There is high and potentially explosive energy everywhere. Unfortunately, things do fall apart during these times.

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Often times, the coping skills for these families are ineffective and sometimes, depending on the magnitude of the crisis, times of recovery can be very slow, painful and it can also turn out that there is no recovery; but, marriages have broken and families separate and fall apart.

Let’s take a closer look at our current weather and environmental trends in Kenya at this time. Things are evolving at a very fast paste. We are experiencing multiple man-made and natural catastrophes all at the same time, depending on the season or environment. We all remember the floods that wiped out thousands of families and their homes.

Approximately 291 people were killed in the floods and heavy rains that occurred between March 1 and March 16, 2024 (National Disaster Operations Centre (NDOC). Another 188 people were injured, and 75 missing; with 278,380 people (55,676 families) being displaced and almost 412,763 (82,552) families being affected by heavy rains and floods.

This one example of a flood in Kenya is nothing short of a catastrophic and disastrous situation that we all faced in Kenya, among many others.

So, where do we go from here?

First things first, we must assess that all of our family members are accounted for. If anyone is missing we must try to find him and rescue him. At this crisis moment, there is no time for anger and emotional turmoil, even though the situation can be emotionally traumatic. Each family member must rally together as one cohesive unit to try to put to pieces of what remains back together again. If for nothing else, to gain a sense of sanity.

After a major catastrophe like a flood, a family must seek immediate safety, and medical attention. After the safety of all family members, look for safe and clean water to drink and a safe emergency food and rescue center. Call emergency numbers and seek psychosocial counseling and support for loss, grief and trauma.

Some of the immediate effects on the family after a flood is that family members may have anger and distress over the after effects of the flood. This anger can easily be directed at family members and / or other people. Too sad that the marriage and family can be totally shaken at this time, and the survival rate can be very low. Many marriages and families do survive this crisis, but still others need more time to recover. We must all brace ourselves for these unpredictable catastrophes, which are part of our daily lives.

 

By Doris Foxworth Odito.

 

The writer is a professional counseling psychologist and certified health educator

She can be reached at 0722-617404.

 

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