Parents’ love has always been unconditional over the years. They are there for us—on our first days at school, during holidays, at school competitions, offering mental support, and providing our essential needs. No matter the situation, parents put everything aside just to be there for their children.
However, despite this unwavering love and support, there seems to be a growing distance between parents and their children as they journey through life.
This was the case with Joe, a 24-year-old fourth-year student. He recalls the trust and openness he once had with his parents, but now, everything has fallen apart.
“Since I returned to school after the December holidays, I haven’t spoken to my parents. They don’t call, and neither do I. Whenever I feel the urge to reach out, I hold back after a lecture I received while at home about how I should communicate my feelings. My parents asked why I was so private with everything happening in my life, but honestly, I had no answer,” Joe explains.
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The trust that once existed between them in high school is no longer there. The bitter truth is that the parents are not reaching out either, and the connection has been lost.
“I barely tell my parents anything anymore. Once I’m at school, I focus on getting everything together and improving my situation,” says Sam, another student.
Many students are living lives that their parents know nothing about. One student, for example, got pregnant, but when the long holiday came, she didn’t return home. Instead, she lied, telling her parents she chose to stay at school. Unbeknownst to them, she was at her boyfriend’s house.
She only revealed the pregnancy when she returned home with a baby, leaving her parents shocked and disappointed. Despite their lectures, there was nothing they could do, as the situation had already unfolded. This student had been unable to confide in her parents.
Adequate guidance
A significant number of parents have high expectations for their children but offer little support. The unrealistic goals set without providing adequate guidance lead to stress and frustration for students. This pressure makes them fear disappointing their parents, which can sometimes lead to them distancing themselves, avoiding home, or trying to prove their worth. A study indicates that 51% of students feel neglected by their parents when they fail to meet expectations.
As the parent-child relationship weakens, many students turn to their friends for support instead. For some, friends have replaced parents entirely. Students would rather ask their friends for financial help, moral support, or guidance in decision-making than approach their parents.
This growing divide has led to a larger emotional distance. John, a third-year student, admits he wouldn’t return home during the long holidays, saying, “I’d rather stay here at school than go home. It doesn’t feel like home anymore.” Constant criticism from parents can lead to a decline in self-esteem and a sense of inadequacy. In fact, 69 per cent of students say they cannot be their true selves around their parents. A recent international study found that 70-80 per cent of Americans consider their families dysfunctional.
The big question remains: Can the broken relationship between parents and students be repaired? Can these differences be openly discussed? What can parents do to foster change, and will students ever feel comfortable enough to trust their parents again and restore their relationship?
Students still need their parents, but this is something that many students of the current generation are reluctant to admit.
By Joyblessed Munyendo
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